The Secret Code

My client, John, once came to me with a conundrum.

He and his wife had attended a dinner party with one of her closest friends. Before sitting down at the table, he greeted her warmly and exclaimed:

“Anne, you’ve lost weight! You look great!”

Later, in the car, his wife was furious. She told him her friend felt so insulted and she never wanted to see him again.

Shaken and confused, he said to me, “I thought I was complimenting her! I don’t understand what I did wrong. Why is it that her friends always hate me?”

John often found himself accidentally offending women despite his best intentions. He truly wanted to connect but didn’t have the “secret code.”

So I gave it to him, the secret code: three powerful words that almost always work with women.

I told him, “Try this next time with your wife's friends. I guarantee you will get positive results.”

A few weeks later, he came in, glowing and so proud. “I’m now the most popular man in my wife’s circle of friends. Everyone loves me! I used your three words, and it worked. I even tried it with my female employees, and they were so happy and warm with me. These three words made me a hero. I can't believe it was so simple!”

So, what are the three words?

They are: "YOU LOOK FABULOUS!"

You may or may not know this (my client, John, did not), that woman will seldom enjoy a man commenting on her body, even if it’s a compliment.

Talking about specific body parts or how sexy she looks, especially if you don’t know her well, often feels uncomfortable to her. It can come across as objectifying or even creepy.

That’s why these three simple words work: You Look Fabulous!

Why do these words work?

Because you’re seeing all of her, not focusing on just her body.

These words make her feel confident and admired in a way that’s respectful, genuine, and uplifting.

Try it out today and see how it changes the energy between you and the women in your life.

Let me know what you discover.

Like my client, John, you may become the most popular man in the room when you us these three words.

Important Caveat:

While you might be tempted to use this as a pick-up line, please don’t. She may be able to tell. It won’t work if there is even a hint of manipulation.

This phrase is best reserved for building up the women you love and respect—the ones you want to support genuinely.

You can use it anywhere—at work, with friends, or in any gathering—and it will help you feel more relaxed because she will feel more relaxed.

Another tip: Be careful of trick questions.

If she asks,  “Do these jeans make me look fat?” or " Do you think this color looks weird on me?"

Unless you are gay, or her best friend never fall for these kind of questions.

They are trick questions.

Here is what you need to know about the feminine:

1. Never comment directly on her body or her taste. Even if you think what you are saying is compliementary. If you are her close lover, she may be okay with it. But chances are, if she isn't, you will pay for it.

2. Never comment about a woman’s age. Ever! Period, end stop.

3. Never compare her with another women. She is her own person with her own beauty. Let her shine alone.

Believe me all you ever need to say is:

“YOU LOOK FABULOUS!”

Will she get tired of hearing this phrase?

Nope.

Bonus Tip:

Your partner is wanting help with choosing between 2 outfits and wants your opinion. Here is what you say:

“You look fabulous in both, sweetheart. What do you think?”

Let her share her thoughts with you without you choosing for her. Believe me, if she doesn't like what she has on, she will change it.

Often, if you pick one, she might think you don’t like the other. Your role is to support her confidence and decision-making.

If you have a genuine favorite, it’s okay to say:

“You look fabulous in this outfit—and I think you look particularly fabulous in the (name the outfit).”

This way, she knows your personal taste too, which is meaningful to her.

Women's taste are often different than men's. They dress for other women, sometimes without knowing it.  Many women  may not know what a man likes.  She may assume men want lots of makeup and high heels. But sometimes men appreciate simple, natural beauty—like lip gloss, jeans, and a T-shirt.

The main point is this: no matter what you prefer, you will win her love and affection when you say ,“You look fabulous!"

You are honoring her wholeness, making her feel truly seen and appreciated in her femininity.

If you want to learn more about what women want, how to connect, and build intimacy with respect and playfulness, please reach out and book a Zoom consultation with me.

I can help you and your relationships just as I have done with many of my clients.

Comments from some of my clients:

"Arorah, I can't thank you enough for everything you provided us on Saturday! We truly had such an amazing weekend and it was thanks to you. We had started couples therapy and it was nowhere near compared to what we touched upon with you in a few hours.”

"We continue to do well, thanks to your guidance. We are amazed at the special influence you have had on us. We both will be forever grateful for your contributions to our marriage."